Contrite Apologies

Dear Diary,

Again, it's been a while. I really need to stop leaving it so long in between posts, before the few readers I actually have decide to turn tail and flee to more interesting blogs!

So, moving back a few weeks, when I made my last entry - as you may recall, I was getting ever-closer to the wonder that is Rihanna (and David Guetta) down in London. Well, the weekend was brilliant, London was beautiful as always, and it was fantastic to hang out with old friends (and fellow slimmers!) Not to mention the show itself was absolutely AMAZING - I maintain that nothing can make you feel happier than participating in a 70,000-strong rave-a-thon to "We found love" and "Only girl in the world." Even got a little choked up during the tour title end song ("Diamonds") just imagining how it must feel to have that many people sing your own lyrics back at you!

But I digress. If we take a minute to look at the weekend from a Slimming World perspective, this is how it went:

(DISCLAIMER: Any time I use the words "Good" and "Bad" - it is purely from a Slimming point of view. For example, I might describe an incredibly delicious and fun meal as "Bad," or a very long, knackering walk - that completely sucked ass - as "Good." OK? Cool.)
  
THURSDAY

Got paid and treated myself to two new dresses for the weekend. AND THEY WERE BOTH A SIZE 16!!! Haven't been a size 16 for 2 years,  nearly cried with joy - GOOD.

FRIDAY:

Arrived at Louise's after train-and-tube-journey for a lovely bridesmaids-meeting-the-ushers soiree' - Ushers were really funny and nice - and it was wicked to see Louise, Alex and Mark (Louise's fiance') again.

STARTER:

A very large, colourful assortment (or Antipasti, I think it's called) of cold meats, bread, mozzarella, peppers, gherkins, bruschettas, salsa and tomatoes - NOT SURE, POSSIBLY COMBINATION OF GOOD AND BAD - SUSPECT MOSTLY GOOD. Either way, felt very smug and happy munching on a pepper (which I've recently started liking - not to mention them being the design for my 2-Stone tattoo!)

MAIN:

A huge portion of 4-Cheese Lasagne with salad - SALAD = GOOD,  LASAGNE = BAD
DESSERT: 

 An UNBELIEVABLY gorgeous Chocolate and Polenta cake - BAD

DRINKS: 

Vodka and lemonade on arrival ("just the one, after that  train journey!") - GOOD
Rose' Wine - which started off as "just the one" but kept getting mysteriously topped up throughout the meal (which I suspect I didn't attempt to stop, the drunker I got) - BAD
Aquavit Dill - Some insane aperitif Mark served us that tasted exactly like whiskey, but apparently wasn't. Finished the whole glass. Don't even LIKE whiskey - BAD

SATURDAY: 

Woke up in Alex's' bed with APPALLING hangover - didn't even remember the journey from Barbican to Hammersmith. Cured hangover with nice walk to local caff for greasy fry-up  - BAD.

Being given some of Alex's clothes that are now too big for her - GOOD, AS ALEX IS VERY STYLISH AND THIS SHOULD IMPROVE CONFIDENCE..... BAD AS I HAVEN'T YET REACHED THE STAGE WHERE CLOTHES ARE TOO BIG FOR ME - AND AM NOW IN FRIEND'S CAST-OFFS.

Met up with the other girls to commence hair/make-up/dressing up preparations before going for a nice late lunch..... Sadly the pub we went to didn't seem to serve any salads - and any healthy looking fish dishes/steaks were WAY out of budget range. Opted for burger and chips - BAD, DEFINITELY BAD.

Walk from bus stop to Twickenham stadium - and consequently up 16 FLIGHTS of stairs to get to our seats - GOOD.
Raving to Rihanna and subsequent hour-long walk to alternative bus stop through a horde of 70,000 zombies (well, mostly drunk fellow gig-ers) - GOOD.
Midnight Pizzas and garlic dough balls back at Alex's - BAD.

SUNDAY:

Going for breakfast at balls-achingly cool and artisan cafe - had fry-up - BAD.

Hauling an insanely heavy (due to acquisition of Alex's clothes) overnight bag around Westfield and to tube station - GOOD.

Got home exhausted, sweaty and starving - only to find caring boyfriend had got us each a Subway for tea. Haven't had one in 6 months, tasted as good as a Last Meal - BAD.


So, there you have it. My amazing, fantastic, fun weekend turned out to be a bit of a shambles, Slimming-wise. Not to mention I got very ill on the Monday, and opted out of going to Group. Don't get me wrong, I was scared about what the scales would say - but I still would have liked to known how I did and and how much damage control was needed. Only problem is, I then spent the whole week gradually relaxing my standards so much, that by the time I got to Monday again, I was once  again poorly. It probably didn't help that on Sunday (the 23rd) after a Memorial Tree Planting for David, the whole family went for a nice pub lunch. Tried to be healthy (chicken and bacon salad to start, Fish Pie for mains, no pudding) but unfortunately, the combination of rich food and an incredibly aggressive Star Week was enough to knock me sick again - so ended up missing ANOTHER week at Group.

The week that followed wasn't the best. I lapsed further into unhealthiness, only went to the gym once, went to bed early every night and had constant stomach pains and bouts of lethargy. My bones started aching again - which even I know isn't right for a 26 year-old, I got tired easily and justified everything I did wrong with the occasional healthy meal and infrequent exercise. The good news is at least I must be somewhat adjusted to a healthier lifestyle, if eating unhealthy things messes my body up so much. The bad news is, I'll never be able to eat to my previous capacity again. And while that's certainly a good thing, I can't pretend I won't miss those nights where I could down pints/cocktails/spirits and still have room for cheesy chips afterwards.

But that said, last night I was ready for action. Despite constant dreading - and even one night where I had 4 consecutive nightmares about getting weighed (that reduced me to waking up in tears), I decided to pull my socks up and get back to work. Because I had something of a revelation over the weekend. It occurred to me that I am a predominantly lazy person. And whilst I already knew this, and even joke about it a lot - it sank in on Saturday when I looked around our house and saw it properly for the first time in ages. The bathroom that needed scrubbing, the pots that it was my turn to do stacked in the sink, the mess everywhere. The certificates on the wall and my weight chart that hadn't been updated since the beginning of June, my 1.5 Stone certificate taken down, and the beautiful necklace I bought myself for this achievement hidden away somewhere. The fact that Louise and Alex are STORMING ahead of me in the weight-loss stakes, despite us all starting Slimming World at the same time. The list of direct debits coming out and the budget of £10 I'd had to give myself for the week, due to my reckless over-spending in London. And I was fed up with it. Don't get me wrong, Joel and I don't live in a pigsty, but it just showed me how I seem to let things slide all the time.

So I've decided, that's it. I'm done with all this bollocks. I'm completely fed-up and bored of being a lazy, disorganized cock-up who never finishes anything, recklessly over-spends just because it's "fun," flakes out all the time and justifies everything with half-arsed excuses and implausible reasons not to do things that the rest of the population seem to manage quite easily. Right then and there, I made a decision to stop f***ing about,and be the best person I can. Spent the entire weekend relentlessly cleaning the house, getting into all those little corners and generally bringing everything up to showroom-standards. Cooked a wonderful Chicken and Mushroom casserole for tea, got a little exercise (not to mention the Body Magic engineered from waging war against the house) and generally felt a lot better about myself. So, yeah. No more excuses.

With that in mind, I returned to Group yesterday feeling a lot better about things. A little nervous, but ready to face whatever happened head-on. Would you believe it though, I MAINTAINED!!! After 3 weeks of - let's face it - VERY relaxed standards, I was genuinely expecting a gain of about 7 pounds. Thank God that wasn't the case - feel like I've had a very lucky escape. Have nothing to distract me from Slimming now, thanks to having almost NO social life for the next few months - not to mention plenty of Overtime coming up! The only events coming up in July are Taylor's birthday (one of Joel's friends) on the 12th, then Joel and I going for a meal and to see a play on the 13th. That's only ONE weekend out of a whole month - so I guess, for the Birthday I can just not drink (I've done it before when out with them), and if they go for a curry (as Taylor usually likes to do) just make sure I minimize my Syns for the week to do some damage control. As for the Play, I'm sure Joel and I can just find somewhere in town that does a healthy, Slimming-friendly meal, before enjoying the delights of a premiere about the World Chess Champion's battle against a machine.

Actually, now I think about it, there's a lot of upcoming events in August-September too. There's a Tattoo Convention at the Gmex on the 3rd of August, a friend's baby's 1st birthday on the 10th, Sian's Hen party on the 24th, and a girl from work's on the 31st, Joel's 30th birthday is on the 2nd of September, Sian's wedding on the 15th, and a family trip to France (for 4 days) on the 20th. So, whilst quite big events in themselves, only 7 in the course of 2 months! OK, I'm completely screwed, haha. But at least I can plan ahead. For the convention, I can always take a packed lunch, and not eat at any of the snack booths. For the baby birthday, hen do's, wedding, and Joel's 30th I'll just have to severely damage-control things, and France should be a doddle. Plenty of long walks, a swimming pool to ABUSE with exercise, and healthy Mediterranean food.

Coming back to last night, Louise and Alex were very encouraging on Skype, and together we worked out that if I lose a pound and a half a week, that should put me back to my 1.5 Stone by the Tattoo convention in August (irrelevant, but I like to have milestones!), 2 Stone by Sian's wedding/France in September, 2.5 Stone by my birthday in October, and 3 Stone by Christmas! So, am now in a very happy (and organized) state of mind, ready to face the week ahead.

BRING IT ON!!!!!!!!!!!


Xxxxx