Highs and Lows

GAIN: 3 POUNDS

Dear Diary,

As you see above, I have once again royally screwed up. After all of the whining, self-pitying, motivation and promises of last week - after trying hard to Food Optimise 100% and stick to it, I must have had a severe delayed reaction. Because just 4 days ago, I found myself back on the scales, brimful of confidence..... only to see that I've gone back to a mere 12 pounds total weight loss. Completely gutted if I'm honest, knew I'd mis-behaved but never assumed that it would catch up with me after 3 solid weeks of maintaining......

Decided to allow myself that one Monday night to p!ss and moan, flail about and bawl about how "I'm sick of being so f***ing FAT!!" before gritting my teeth Tuesday morning and swearing to carry on as planned.

The weekend before was a mixture of Good and Bad. Went out for Taylor's birthday on Friday - and whilst a very fun time was had, I stuck to a very modest three vodka-and-diet-cokes instead of my traditional concoction of cocktails, various spirits and cider. Saturday was fantastic, with Joel and I going to see a brilliant play called "The Machine," and then to Tampopos for my favourite Asian Free meal afterwards, for a lovely late tea.





And then Sunday was spent up at Auntie Pam's, who threw a beautiful summer buffet which was all taken entirely outside - and lasted from 1pm to roughly 10pm, as our family do's tend to! Well, technically, everybody else left about 8 o'clock, but Joel and I got asked to stay behind after Mum and Dad left. And it was fantastic - not only did we tan ourselves further by staying out in the garden chugging Prosecco/Diet Coke, but there was just this fantastic sense of school kids being let out of the classroom. Not to mention we left with a metric ton of healthy food and David's old Playstation 2, plus a small TV and about 20 games!



So that takes us back to Monday, and my inevitable foul mood. It didn't help AT ALL that after Group (and on the way home), my Gain was ALL Mum and Dad could talk about. I mean, I know it's a big thing in my life now, but I seriously just wish we could talk about something else for once. I know they care, I'm just getting a little bored of constantly being asked "how I've done this week," and "where I think I went wrong last week" etc.... On the way home, Dad (who clearly didn't get the "tell Dad I don't want to talk about it anymore" message I gave Mum) lasted through about 3 minutes of small talk, before jumping right back on the hot topic. Not to mention I was getting blasted from all angles for my "behaviour" at Auntie Pam's buffet for - SHOCK HORROR!! - eating one halved ciabatta roll and..... oh my god, ONE CRISP AND ONE MINI PRETZEL!! I know, right?! That's not even an exaggeration - I literally had one of each, before Dad started crying "Verboten! Verboten!" at me and frowning. Then I had Mum doing the whole "Should you really be doing that.....?" when Auntie Pam poured me a small glass of Prosecco (which, as you probably know is 4 Syns a glass, i.e: THE LOWEST FRICKING SYN VALUE for an alcoholic drink, bar Vodka and Bacardi) Not to mention the inevitable "Ooh, should you have taken that much?" when I walked out with a serving of ENTIRELY FREE FOOD. Lean beef, salad, tomatoes, peppers, salmon and prawns. Oh, and when dessert came out, all I had was a few grapes, a handful of raspberries, and a TABLESPOON of ice cream. Completely ignored the chocolate eclairs, roulade, and cheese with biscuits. But do you think anyone commended that? Nope, just pointed out the faults.

I mean, for God's sake!! One of the MAIN GODDAMN COMPONENTS of Slimming World is that you can eat hearty portions of Free food and that is FINE. You CAN have a second helpings of SuperFree food, meat and fish. Joan herself advised it at Group on Monday, when I begged to know what had gone wrong - told me that if you eat more Free food, it raises your metabolism. That's what Joan told me, a qualified dietician. I know for a fact that the reason I've gained so much lately is my total inability to keep my Syns below the allotted 15 a day - and it sure as sh!t ain't because I went back for a second helping of salad and fish on Sunday.

And what p!sses me off the most is how people at work and my family (apart from Auntie Pam and Grandma) spend all their time just JUDGING me on every little thing I put in my mouth - EVEN IF IT'S SLIMMING WORLD FOOD!!
Especially the guys at work; "Oooh, are you SURE you should be drinking Hot Chocolate, Katie?" "Well, yes, it's Low Fat Options hot chocolate that I've specially prepared, which is only two Syns." "Yeah..... but wouldn't it be better if you DIDN'T have the two Syns?" "It's only two." "But imagine if you DIDN'T have the two! Then it would be even HEALTHIER!!" "Well maybe, but if I did that every single day, I'd go absolutely stark-bollock mad, craving sweet things all the time, until one day the inevitable pressure of depriving myself constantly will make me completely snap, and go on an epic, pound-piling binge - which is the ONE THING Slimming World advises you against doing." "Hmmmm....." "You don't believe me, do you....?" "Wellllll..... it doesn't make sense to ME, but if that's the way you're doing it....."

Sorry, I'm just so f***ing SICK of people judging me all the time, especially when they don't even understand the rules of Slimming World - and aren't even ON it! - and only go off the whole eat-nothing-and-lose-weight shtick that's been so wrongly peddled for years, as opposed to the SW eat-a-balanced-diet-that-allows-for-a-daily-amount-of-sugar way. I realise I'm not losing weight at the rate I want to, but that's MY MISTAKE, because I've been f***ing stupid, lazy and irresponsible, not because SW doesn't work. It does. IF YOU DO IT PROPERLY.

Ugh, rant over. Had to get that out. Anyway, moving on to more pleasant notes: this week has been brilliant. Slotted effortlessly back into the Slimming ways, and have managed to keep my Syns down to below 15 (and even 10!) Syns a day. Went to see "The Machine" again on Wednesday with Auntie Pam (who was sold after I raved about it on Sunday) - and after spending all day on Google trying to figure out a healthy place to go for tea, eventually settled on fit Italian, Pertutti's. Oh my god. Go, if you are able. Had the same starter as Auntie Pam, which was tomato, rocket, garlic and basil bruschetta. As for the main course..... well, on a normal day I'd have leapt on the Seafood pizza without a moment's thought, but decided to Health it up by getting the same dish - but on Spaghetti instead of Pizza. We also refused desserts and resisted wine - bearing in mind that Me + Awesome Big Sister I Never Had + No-one driving, usually = WINE O'CLOCK! Allowed ourselves to feel very smug indeed, whilst enjoying a lovely, non-judgemental girly catch-up and planning what lovely healthy meals we're going to make/how much swimming and walking we're going to do in France.

Look at that. Seriously!

 

 

So, all in all, this week so far has been nothing short of great. Let's hope it continues!

 

 

Xxxxx