Well, that's it. I've done it. I am now the proud owner of my 2nd tattoo!
DISCLAIMER: I realise this is a weight loss blog, but my tattoo is kind of about that, so I'd like to spend today talking about it.
I was booked in for 5:30, half an hour after my shift finished. Was half tempted to ring Joel and ask him to come and sit with me - but I was going out with work-mates afterwards, and you're not allowed to have anyone sit with you and hold your hand anyway. Pottered around the newsagents below for a bit - frantically slurping Diet Coke to keep my blood sugar up (yeah, I did my research!), eyeing up a nearby customer's tattoos, and jabbering to my friend Brooksey to try and calm myself down. Eventually he left to meet the others for a drink, and I was alone, having bumped into the guy who tattooed me last time - Chris - outside.
As I sat there upstairs, signing medical/permission forms and watching some of the men I'd seen yesterday banter and jockey with each other about a paint job on one of the walls, my butterflies were RAGING. I was getting nerves that almost felt as intense as stage-fright, and started wondering if tattooing myself as a reward for losing weight was really worth feeling this sick and nervous over. No idea why I was so scared this time - I was nervous first time around, but that was more apprehension, fear of the unknown. This time I completely knew what I was in for, and could still clearly remember the nature of the pain I went through back in January, and exactly what it felt like. My hands were cold and clammy, nearly slopping Diet Coke all over myself every time I went to have a drink.
Eventually got called round the corner by Chris, his station all clean and prepared. We figured out where it was going, what colours I was having and pressed the stencil against my hip. At this point, my fear seemed to throw all my dignity out the window, as I found myself mumbling about the Stretchmark CENTRAL that seemed to have popped up on my side overnight, and whether they would ruin the tattoo or not - which he assured me wouldn't, if anything, the tattoo would hide them. Eventually he got me lay down on my side on the table, a squeezy Comic Relief red nose toy clutched in my hand (nabbed from work), my top hiked up and my trousers pulled slightly down. As he started the outline and the old, familiar pain kicked in, I found myself jabbering nervously again - completely forgetting that Chris doesn't seem to talk half as much as I do, and has a rather dry sense of humour that takes getting used to (well, if you're me, anyway).
So I nattered away, crushing my stress ball, wincing and trying to stay still and calm. And then from somewhere behind me, one of the men started bollocking his friend - for being a talented tattoo artist and yet cocking up a simple task and mis-placing the tape to prevent paint stains on the floor. Suddenly, we were all laughing, and then - bless him - the same guy wanders over to have a look at my apple, and see how I'm getting on. And what do you know, he was the customer from the newsagent downstairs! No wonder he was looking at me as I wittered on to my friend about shading and outlines.....
Next thing we knew, I had two guys stood over me peering at the work-in-progress, chattering away. My nerves completely vanished as I twisted around to talk to the friendly, funny men who I'd found so intimidating and scary only yesterday. I guess it shows appearances can be deceptive, after all! Maybe they'd sensed I was nervous as I'd sat, pale-faced and quiet in the Reception area, or maybe they were just bored. But they asked why I was getting an apple, how many tattoos I had and whether I'd be back. They assured me that even hardened customers still get nervous when they come in for a new piece, and joked that I "shouldn't drink for 3 weeks" when I mentioned that I was meeting friends afterwards. They showed me some of their tattoos and chattered about future plans for their bodies, (commending my stone-loss-fruit-joined-together-by-filligree-vines idea) and above all, totally distracted me from the pain I thought I'd be going through. And whether they did this on purpose or not, it felt like an act of absolute kindness.
On a side note, I don't know whether it was the distractions, or simply the placement on my body - but (and I feel like such a hypocrite for all the times I sneered at people who say this) this one really didn't hurt that much. I went in prepared for the intense slice-my-skin-open-and-put-your-cigarette-out-in-the-wound pain I'd gone through last time, only to feel a few slivers of bearable pain, a mildly irritating scratching, and even bouts of TICKLISHNESS. Seriously! Can you imagine feeling ticklish over a tattoo? I've heard people say that and thought they were totally batsh!t crazy, but it's true. Which I discovered as I realised, a little too late, that I'd chosen possibly the most ticklish place on my ENTIRE BODY to get one done. Ooops! Tried to lie as still as possible whilst giggling and feeling my feet twitch.
Soon we were nearly done, as the comments from Chris's colleagues veered into the "oh, last bit now, coming up!" territory. Looking at my finished tattoo, I had the same (internal) reaction as last time, when I looked in the mirror and the first thing I thought was; "OH SH!T! It looks NOTHING like I thought it would!! What have I DONE?!" But after the initial 5 seconds, it started looking great, and I remembered how my first one had ellicited the same panicked response, before going on to look amazing once it had "settled in." I guess it's stupid to just assume that tattoo artists can just read your mind and instantly transfer your idea, totally exact, onto your body. Back in the present, I was getting loads of reassurancs from my new friends that it looked brilliant, and felt a momentary twinge of regret that an artist as talented as Chris (whose portfolio boasted huge, intricate, ornate pieces ranging from the religious to the incredible) was stuck on his last appointment of the day doing a small, not-remotely-complex design on a girl who would probably always keep it hidden. But he assured me he'd enjoyed it - especially since he'd put his own spin on the design. I'd simply wanted a red outline, with only the stem (brown) and the leaf (green) shaded in. But after some gentle persuading from the professional, we'd opted for the whole thing to be coloured in..... but with a black outline and some subtle blending of yellow, green and white - to make the apple look more realistic, and give the illusion of a sun spot, reflecting off the surface. I'd never have thought of that. The man's a genius! Well, see for yourself:
I love it. I'm so, so proud of it, in fact, I'm THRILLED. I was proud of the "book-erfly" (See here) but merely because it represented me taking the plunge, finally striking something off my Bucket List, and being brave enough to do something I knew would hurt. I love reading books, and I'm proud that it's what I'm known for. I'm proud of my book collection, and the lessions they can teach me. And, because of the quote and the man it will always remind me of (David), having it done felt like a kind of catharsis, a way of easing the grief somewhat, with a little tribute.
But THIS tattoo, to me, represents achievement. I only had it done a matter of hours ago, and I can almost feel my heart burst with pride and happiness everytime I look down at it. Sure, it's still in the phase where it's all swollen, bumpy, red and sticky and has to keep being washed, but I know it'll look even more lovely when it's healed, like my bookerfly. And most importantly, it's proof - and a constant reminder - that I CAN do something I put my mind to, I HAVE lost weight, and I WILL lose more. Even if someone looks at it and only sees an apple, I will forever know what it means TO ME. And that's the important bit.
xxxxxx
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