Amidst all the moaning and raging yesterday, there's one thing I forgot to mention. One very important thing, actually. It would seem that whilst I'm not losing pounds..... I'm certainly losing inches. In fact, I can now exclusively reveal that I have GONE DOWN A DRESS SIZE!! That's right, I have made my way down from a Size 18 (and the occasional 20) to a Size 16. And it feels GOOD!! Well, mentally that is, I can't actually see any difference myself. Bought a pair of cool linen trousers for work (and for the current heatwave we seem to be having) in a Size 16, so have definitely confirmed that I've gone down, as trousers are normally the strictest indicator of size. Dresses can get away with more, whereas with trousers, there's nowhere to hide.
So yeah, have been feeling pretty thrilled recently. Not to mention I've been getting my legs out properly for the first time in years, thanks to all this sun. Normally I'd put up and shut up - but it's been too damned hot this year, and the sight of skinny women in shorts everywhere was winding me right up. A pair of shorts Alex gave me have been a GODSEND, sneakily hidden under my dresses to allow me to go out bare-legged, but without experiencing that dreaded "thigh-rub" that so many of us have to suffer.
Yep. There are shorts under that dress!
Call me crazy, but part of me felt like I was striking a bit of a blow by doing this. People don't always think about it too much, but they have no IDEA of the thousands of tiny humiliations overweight people have to go through every day, let alone in summer. Not being able to get your arms out, because you're ashamed of bingo wings. Having to sit and boil in clothes that are flattering, instead of revealing any body parts. Not being able to go bare-legged because you can't face the rash that generates from the inevitable thigh-rub. Having to hide away in black clothes, because bright, summery colours seem to accentuate your weight even more. Being embarrassed to walk past the constant parade of skinny, beautiful women prancing around in shorts and tiny tops, being embarrassed to even be sweaty in case people assume it's because of your weight, and not just because it's hot.
I don't know, maybe all that's just the way I feel. I don't claim to speak for other people - but as an overweight person, this is how I feel every. single. day. And while it's easy to throw your head back and joyfully declare that "at least I'm doing something about it, now!" it's still a pain to know that there's a long slog ahead, and that it's going to be at least next summer, or even the summer after before I too can strut about in shorts and little tops.
But for the time being, it still felt good to get my arms and legs out at Auntie Pam's on Sunday!
What other news is there? The only three things of note, two good/one bad:
The bad: Having a terrible Jesus-Christ-how-is-that-even-possible? moment when reading about an old school acquaintance's 1.8 stone loss - in a mere 10 weeks - on Facebook. Bearing in mind that the woman in question is bigger than me. Shame isn't a strong enough word.
The good: Being on the bus on the way to work and hearing "Rock ya body" by MVP come on my Ipod. While that may not mean much to a lot of you, it was an insanely popular song that was released in 2004.... and basically the soundtrack (along with Daddy Yankee's "Gasolina") to my, Louise's and Alex's first ever independent holiday to Gran Canaria. Personally, I can't HELP but think of summer every time I hear it - but this time, I was in shorts, with my legs out on the way to work.... and all I could think of was the support my friends have shown me along the way. I know I go on about it a lot, but it really does help!
The good again: Going to the gym in this weather. Yes, I said good. This is not strictly accurate. It's horrible, disgusting, humiliating, exhausting, twice as hard, and it KILLS. But the blissful swim in the pool, the cold shower afterwards, the imperial TONNE of sweat I lost (and therefore pounds, right? Right?!) and the over-whelming feeling of smugness evoked by doing such a batsh!t crazy thing made it all completely and utterly WORTH IT.
Oh, and......
THE BRILLIANT: Going to Mum's shop for breakfast this morning. This breakfast has been planned all week, and for good reason. It consisted of: Bacon, Egg (cooked in Fry Light), Mushrooms, Beans, Tomatoes, one slice of wholemeal toast, and Sausages. Probably should point out that these were specialised sausages that Mum ordered in from a shop in Oswaldtwistle that made Slimming World sausages using lean pork, or something. Anyway, they're Free, which is the important thing. So, to summarise, all of THIS:
..... was only 1 Syn. And that was ketchup.
Say it with me, AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW YEEEEEEEEEEAH!!!
This has been one fantastic week!
Xxxxx
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