BBQ Preparations

Currently sitting here organising two separate playlists on Itunes - one for the "Family" BBQ, and one for the "Friend" BBQ. A little extravagant, maybe, having two..... but there are a HUGE amount of people who want to see the new House - not to mention a gathering of sensible adults possibly shouldn't mix with a gathering of pissed-up 20-somthing friends with a cocktail shaker and a collection of 60 shotglasses. Obviously I'm dead excited, but just a little nervous about the Food side of things. How can I possibly arrange a good old fashioned BBQ without breaking the SlimmingWorld rules? The best thing I can think of is just to let Joel lob meat on the grill, and maybe get Mum's help handmaking some SlimmingWorld chips and healthy burgers..... maybe a good old salad. Hmmmm..... Need to make a list to get thoughts in order.

HEALTHY BBQ FOODS (that will not alienate everyone):

Chicken, Salad (feta, maybe?), Potatoes (new), Lamb, Chilli Prawn kebabs (oooh! Where did THAT idea come from?!), Cheesy Pasta, Sausages

Hmmm, already out of Free food ideas - need to consult the book. Anyway, I'm sure it's a common practice for people to take meat to a BBQ, so maybe I could just stick to my own stuff and be good. At least Mum'll be there to keep me on track, too. I'm thinking as well of just demurely sipping the old Diet Coke all evening - saving the well-and-truly-getting-drunk for the "Friend BBQ"..... which we're thinking of having, for convinience, on the Bank Holiday weekend.

If that actually happens though, I'm going to have to be SO careful for the fortnight leading up to it - if I'm doing Pride on the Saturday (where I will undoubtedly be getting wasted, as am meeting friends after the parade) and having the "Friend" BBQ on the Sunday, I will pretty much, by my calculations, be drunk for at least 3/4 of the weekend. Hmmm. I feel some MAJOR Syn-saving is needed pretty soon. That said, I had the worst fortnight ever and actually lost weight, so maybe if I keep exercising (and dance a lot throughout B.H Weekend) then maybe I'll get lucky again!

On a side note, nothing of interest to report today. Had a cheese and pickle sandwich with maize crisps (and a Twirl, gulp) for lunch, and spaghetti with cheese on toast. Hmmm..... having WAY too much cheese and bread in my diet recently, maybe a cutback is required. Also, need to check the Syn value of that smooth Branston Pickle spread - haven't been able to stop eating it lately.

Souperfreak

As it was my day off, didn't really get up to much. Would love to say I spent my whole day carefully selecting, planning and even MAKING a ton of Super-Free yummy meals for me and my man..... but being that I'm currently poorer than a church mouse who's gone bankrupt - it aint likely. Oh well, only 2 days till payday, and then let the healthy home-made meals roll!

That said, I DID try a recipe for SuperFree soup that Mum gave me after group last night - tinned tomatoes, beans, carrots and chicken stock all blended up and seasoned. Served it as a starter before tea, but being honest, it was VILE, no matter HOW much salt you put on it. Tried to force some of it down, but still..... hmm. Could tell Joel wasn't that keen either. Still, saved the rest to take to work, gonna need all the help I can get if I'm going to be stripping off by a sunny pool in a few months......

Oh, also did some exercise for the first time since moving in - such a relief being able to stomp away without worrying about denting the neighbour's ceiling. It's fabulous having such a huge lounge to give yourself space to manoevre. Stuck on my Davina Fit workout DVD but got bored after a while, so switched to the classic technique of putting my Ipod in and flailing around to the music instead. So not exactly a wasted afternoon!

Unexpected surprise

LOSS: 1.5 POUNDS

I do not believe it. I've gone past the initial rounds of Slimming-World-Disbelief and come right out in Stunned-Ville. After the worst 2 recorded weeks known to MAN...... 2 weeks of stress, arguments, moving house, travelling back to the flat every evening and tidying the house every night - accompanied by a frequent helping of comfort food with everything.... I have STILL managed to lose weight.

Was absolutely thrown, when I got weighed. Strolled into group after stopping at Mum's for tea, enjoying being back and waving to familiar faces. I was dreading getting back on the scales, and immediately started rambling on to Joan as I removed my Ugg boots, about my awful 2 weeks, how I'm expecting a gain of at LEAST 4 pounds, etc.... etc..... Until she calmly stopped me with the words every Slimming World-er wants to hear: "You've had a loss, actually." 1 and a half pounds! This is too perfect. Obviously, I'd rather have lost more, but beggars can't be choosers, and it means I've now worked off exactly what I put on 3 weeks ago!

Feeling very confused about the whole thing, but was reassurred by Mum and Louise that maybe all the running around, up and down stairs, hauling boxes and un/packing was the reason behind my loss. If I'm honest as well, a HUGE part of me feels very guilty and cheeky that I've managed to eat so much utter crap and still do well. Not that I'll be making a habit of it, mind. Especially since I get paid on Thursday, and can therefore afford proper food from then on. Mmmmm..... approaching healthiness......

Found out Louise is attending Gay Pride in 2 weeks as well - as part of a Line Dancing group! So hopefully going to try and meet up on the day (I'm volunteering with work) and make sure neither has too much Syn-filled alcohol (yeah right, it's my first night out in 2 months, I'm planning to get BEYOND hammered)!

Mum won Slimmer of the Week AGAIN - so she gave me all the food she won, plus some extra articles when we got back to hers..... prawns, tinned tomatoes, smoked salmon pate, measuring jug, etc.... Actually I'm thrilled about that last one, recipes will be SO much easier now I can actually measure liquids - see the Banoffee Pie Disaster if you don't believe me! Had a lovely Free tea before we went to Group, of gamon, fried egg, and SlimmingWorld chips. Absolutely GORGEOUS - and totally inspired me to be a less boring cook from now on. Good times!

A new hope

Not much to report of late. Been eating the same old crap for lunch every day, and making very little effort at night. Got Sky+ today, which might be a bit tricky in the old not-sitting-in-front-of-the-telly-every-night battle - but we'll see. Shared a make-your-own 14" loaded meat pizza from Asda for tea, and we've been having chocolate every night. It's not been the best week. Not only that, I actually FEEL fatter. I always smirked a little at people who said that, because it seems like such a ridiculous notion. How do you FEEL heavier, how do you NOTICE that extra pound? Well damn, somehow it's possible. I feel HUGE this week, and not as great as I felt a few weeks ago when I'd lost 9lbs. Hmmm.....

Have agreed to go for a big walk to explore the area and local clough tomorrow - which should hopefully energise me a bit more. I'm looking forward to returning to Group in a few days as well - although kinda dreading Mum's reaction when she finds out I've put on weight this last few weeks. Grrrr...... I haven't even been drinking! That said, we've worked out a new plan from now on - on Mondays I'll get the tram back to Mum and Dad's, have a healthy Free tea, and then drive to Group with Mum.

Fully resolving from now on to work harder, and stick at the damn thing as much as I was before. Starting Monday, I'm doing EVERYTHING I can to get back to my former speedy weight-loss glory. I WILL get to a stone before the 1st of September.

Thinking about it though, I may not have stuck to my designated Healthy Extras, but I've still been eating cheese, bread, pasta..... Maybe I've unknowingly incorporated my calcium, fibre and Free foods without even knowing it. Maybe everything will be ok after all!

And again......

I won't lie, things have been pretty grim recently. Had several more rows with Joel over stupid, stupid little House things - including a MASSIVE one last night, featuring sobbing, storming out at 11pm, the works. Being the beginning of my "Star week" sure didn't help. Still, we both apologised and resolved to both be more mature, patient and chilled out. Well, after I drew a cute "I'm sorry" card and hand-delivered it to his office today.

But I'm digressing. I meant that things have also been grim on the SlimmingWorld front.

Having taken a 2 week sabbatical to focus on the House (Mum's suggestion), I'm wondering if it's the right thing to do. I've been told you're allowed up to 6 weeks holiday per year, and that's exactly how I've been treating it - a holiday. I'm eating chocolate again, we've had pizzas, crisps, you name it. Of course they're Asda Smartprice crisps (being that we sacrificed proper food for a carpetted bedroom) but still probably count as Syns. With no more manual labour I can't cling onto that bit of hope - and the 8-minute walk up the hill every morning isn't even feeling like a challenge anymore. I was given a bottle of Rose as a housewarming present, which I've already polished off, and I've had to skip tonight's Group as well, as I can't afford them until Thursday. I won't lie, I'm not exactly too focused at the moment.

The words "comfort food" spring to mind - something I've been eating in SPADES recently. It doesn't help that I've done virtually NO exercise either - Joel's been WAY too tired for sex recently, and I've even stopped doing my Pitbull-themed bedroom dance sessions at night. Our evenings are consigned to slumping in front of the telly, and scoffing. I hate myself for it, I really do. But we're too skint to afford proper food, and I don't have either the time, energy or brain-power to come up with delicious, healthy, cheap meals we'll both enjoy. OK, that's a lie, I probably DO have the time, but for the most part, I can't be rammed.

It's clearly some kind of mental slump I'm in at the moment - I'm determined to claw my way out starting by going to Group next week...... but things can't go on like this. Either I'll dig my bike out and start cycling again, or go on walks with Joel. I don't know. ANYTHING.

Speaking of Him Indoors, after we made up outside his office this lunchtime, he took it even further this evening by whisking me off to TGI Friday's for a surprise meal! Felt a pang of guilt at missing class for this, especially since it felt like a much more fun - but maybe not entirely BETTER - use of my time. I mean, better for ME because I enjoyed it, but not for the DIET. Oh, you know what I mean.

Troublesome times

On a side note - being back at work officially sucks....... especially after you've just had the week off, assembled an Ikea bed without even a pleading phone call for help to Dad, and your entire mind and thoughts are colonised by New House thoughts. Not to mention the sheer stress and annoyance forgetting one-tiny-bit-of-DIY-equipment-that-you-just-apparently-CANNOT-do-without can cause..... plus arguments with your partner so trivial and yet so frustrating, you wind up wondering if you're even doing the right thing moving in with him. Obviously we've made up and cheered up, but if I've not burnt off at least 3 pounds through stress, crying and sheer physical labour, I'll be severly disappointed.

Money trouble

Being now officially moved in - I've now realised a devastating fact...... I have no money. I mean, literally. Till payday on the 18th, at least. This is bad because not having money is terrible, and truly limits what you can do. On the plus side - we're now living off Supernoodles, pasta, vegetables and incredibly cheap things..... which I suppose won't exactly be a HINDRANCE to weight loss. Hmmmm. Hated missing Group tonight, though. Without the moral and support and constant messages being drummed in, it's hard to stay in the zone, sometimes. Plus, I kinda missed the other women. But hell, I can't even afford the tram ticket to get there, let alone subs.

Turkish Delights

After a full week spent moving, cleaning, wallpaper stripping, and hoovering, Joel and I decided yesterday that we needed to get out of the city for a night, and therefore visited his friend Phil in Macclesfield for his birthday. Was a pretty good night, ate only barbequed food, only had a few bread buns, and very little ketchup. Drank Diet Coke all night, and only one cider - which I used to drink about 6 of in one night out, and could now only manage one. The times, they are a-changing!

Unfortunately, we had to leave instead of staying overnight - Joel had a headache and I was queasy. Even more unfortunately, the next morning found me hanging over the toilet bowl, being violently sick for the first time in about 3 years, so probably a good job we didn't stay, really. That's the last time I let an 18 year-old girl "cook" one of my burgers.

Recovered enough to oversee the arrival of a moving van bearing all our heavier wordly goods (bed, drawers, sofa, etc....) to the house - AND join 4 girlfriends online in booking a holiday to Turkey in October! So there you have it, we're now "officially" moved in - and I have a girly holiday in 3 months! And if that's not an incentive to lose weight, I don't know what IS. Wonder how close to a beach we'll be in Turkey......?

Setbacks

GAIN: 1.5 POUNDS

Oh, bloody hell. I should have know there would be weeks when I had a gain - we're only human of course - but this is still a bit of a pain. I'm not remotely surprised if I'm honest, this week hasn't been the greatest. Both Joel and I, doing loads of work on the house (which had no fridge or electricity till recently), have been basically living on a diet of take-outs, McDonald's and Subways - things you only needs gas to cook, or things you don't need to cook at all. Bad times. A tiny part of me was hoping all the dismantling/rubbish-clearing/stairs-climbing would have shifted some weight, but a much bigger part of me had screwed up, and I knew it. And we've both booked most of this week off work to do more House stuff - so I predict more screw-ups.....

Obviously Mum was disappointed but the Group were much more diplomatic - sympathising, offering solutions and ideas..... Louise suggested getting back on track, now I knew where I'd gone wrong, and focusing on avoiding those pitfalls in future. Sounds like a plan!

On a side note, the house is going splendidly - have painted 2 bedrooms, decorated one, put multiple pictures up, moved furniture and stuff in, and even explored the local area! Downside - there are McDonald's and Subways in easy walking distance. Upsides - they are situated right in front of an Asda, packed full of cheap healthy Free foods! AND we live in a cul-de-sac off the main road - which means that every day, I have to climb a slight hill to get to work. Morning exercise, anyone?

Oriental Express

Yesterday was pretty fun - went out for Viv's (one of Mum's employees) 65th birthday to a Chinese restaurant. It was one of those pre-order things where you have to choose from 4 whole banquets and share everything - so Mum and I ordered the seafood banquet, with a touch of trepidation. And rightly so..... fish it may be, but DAMN was there a lot of it. After about the 6th course we sat there for half an hour, gasping and holding our stomachs, agreeing that 6 was far too much. Then, what do you know - the waiter brings two more out! It was MENTAL. Surely no-one eats THAT much Chinese in an evening?

Tried to rectify the extreme seafood antics by dancing loads - the lovely DJ was VERY forthcoming with my requests, thankfully, so attempted to shake the calories away with a bit of Shakira! Who knows, maybe it worked......

Sadly as well, Viv pressed upon me to help her finish a whole 2 bottles of wine - which I happily did..... under Mum's glaring eye unfortunately. Which I later experienced again upon returning from the bar with two "yes-mum-I-promise-they-are-just-Diet-Cokes-and-not-at-ALL-filled-with-a-double-vodka-each" drinks. Oooops. Still, it was a wicked night. Haven't been drunk in ages.

Candy bar girl

Watched a very interesting programme this evening called "Candy Bar girls" - about a lesbian bar in London. One of the girls it focused on - Dannii - was a part-time pole dancer.... and strangely enough, it got me thinking about my career. Obviously I'm happy where I am at the moment, but I've always thought that if I lost weight, I'd almost definately try and get back into acting - whether theatre, TV, voluntary, whatever. I miss that life so much sometimes, and I'm fairly sure I'd have more confidence than l used to, if I was thinner.

Having said that, if I got to a TRULY thin stage (toned tummy, tiny bum, the works), I daresay I'd love to try a brief stint as a podium dancer in a night club, like being a pole dancer but without men shoving money in your knickers..... simply dancing along to music with the masses. On a side note, idly asked Joel what he'd think if I ever took up pole dancing as a job. His response was expected; "I wouldn't be mad keen on it, but if you wanted to, you were happy, it was in a safe environment, and no-one touched you - I'd be fine with it." Hmmm..... something to consider!

Harry Potter and the Decreasing Dress Size

Today was pretty fun - it was my scheduled day off work, so got a taxi into town to pay for our new fridge/freezer.... and felt so healthy/happy afterwards that I did two things I've never done before: a) walked all the way into town from an unknown area (hint: just follow the Hilton) and b) went to the cinema on my own. Felt really weird standing on my own in the huge queue, but I'd been dying to see the new Harry Potter for AGES, and none of my friends were able to go see it for a few weeks, so the ends justified the means, I suppose. Unfortunately I treated myself to a small salty popcorn...... Oh well, the film was brilliant, anyway!

Moving house

LOSS: 1 POUND

Well, I'm stumped. Once again, I've lost weight, without even having a single clue how I did it. I didn't do a SCRAP of exercise, severely lacked in "SuperFree" foods, and had the worst weekend known to MAN. But I'll start at the beginning:

Friday was brilliant. Met Joel for lunch in the Triangle gardens, treated myself to a chicken and bacon Co-Op wrap and some Galaxy buttons. Had forgotten just how incredible chocolate tasted, it had been that long. Which is a good thing, I suppose. As for Taylor's birthday night out, I was VERY relieved when Joel and I had to skip the buffet beforehand - no temptation in the way!! Was very well behaved, only had 2 vodkas, and stuck to Diet Coke the rest of the night. Really enjoyed myself, and no-one was any the wiser.

And then I ruined it. Because when we got home, Joel (for "old time's sake") went to get a kebab from our local take-away - as a kind of last takeout before we moved house. And I, because I am ridiculous and weak, got a pizza. It was the smallest size, but still....... Had a really upset tummy as a result on Saturday morning, and I wasn't even surprised. I completely deserved it. Mind you, maybe I've been healthy for so long, my body was literally rejecting the badness.....? Who knows. Joel wasn't too well either, unfortunately.

So Saturday rolled around, as did a quite huge event - getting our new house keys. After a quick breakfast at Mum's shop (sausage and egg muffin) followed by an enormous trek round Ikea - we started our 2-day renovation marathon. And what a weekend it was. THIS is why I was so shocked by my weight-loss tonight, because if anything, I'd have thought I'd gained at LEAST 2 pounds, given what we ate. Saturday afternoon, in between dismantling fitted wardrobes with 1 screwdriver between us, we managed to grab our first ever meal in the new house, and ate it on the lounge floor. Unfortunately, it was McDonald's. I didn't pick the healthy option this time. Even got a McFlurry.

On Sunday, armed with new power tools, we went for the whole day, and had to take food that couldn't be cooked. So lunch basically consisted of Supernoodles, crisps and cookies. Tea was sausage, eggs, and more cookies - and upon my return to the flat, knackered, stressed and sweaty, I promptly downed about half a bottle of Rose' wine in about 5 minutes (The Apprentice final being on didn't help...... Tom won, by the way!) But this is where I may have been mistaken. I THOUGHT all the crap I ate this weekend (through stress and exhaustion) would have been my downfall, but now I think about it - doing 2 solid days of manual labour and hauling huge heavy doors/planks of wood up and down the stairs for 3 hours probably classed as very good exercise, and sped up my metabolism. Not to mention I probably sweated at least half a pound. So I guess a 1 pound loss isn't that bad, after all.

Mum was disappointed when I told her, so great support there (!). Group tonight was fun though - did a Syn quiz and bought some more Hi Fi bars, plus this month's SlimmingWorld magazine, for more recipes and inspirational stories. Got a lot of compliments on the Before and After photo I compiled and put on the group's Facebook page:

               

Have decided that this week - despite all the stress and mental goings on when we move into the house..... I HAVE to stay calm, rise above it, and not eat comfort food like this weekend. I CAN'T have another lapse, don't know if I'll get away with it a second week. Besides, I'm only 5 pounds off my stone now, and I cannot WAIT to reach it. It would be such a huge achievement for me..... and even more so to get it done by the 1st of August. Maybe that can be my deadline. If I could lose 3 pounds one week, and 2 pounds another when I first joined, SURELY I can do it again. I'll just have to try hard not to lose focus, and make damn sure the non-cookable food we take to the house this weekend is all Free.

Boring work days

Today wasn't too bad - felt happy enough in my weight loss to brave bare legs to work..... something I haven't done in YEARS. OK, so I was wearing stockings, but still, the pins were on display! Ran out of Hi Fi bars though, didn't realise until break just how dependant I was on them, which kinda sucked. Not to mention I'd had a slight row with Joel last night, which just made me want to eat EVERYTHING in the break room vending machine. Just as well I'm utterly skint, otherwise I probably would have. Have found though, that being skint really helps with weight loss - not having money means I can't spend money in the staff canteen - which means I have to make my own salads at home for lunch. Result! Free in every sense of the word.....

Anyway, pottered over to Joel's workplace at lunch to apologize - and at his suggestion ended up going for lunch at MacDonald's. Got a chicken sandwich, so at least I tried. Oh well, it was fun anyway, and at least we made up! Turns out I was completely over-reacting anyway.

Got back to my desk and ate completely Free snacks all afternoon which cheered me up no end. Spent my last tenner on healthy stuff at Iceland and had minted lamb burgers for tea. Good times!

It's Joel's friend Taylor's birthday night out tomorrow, so that should be fun. Actually, I'm really looking forward to it.

Problems

The last few days have been pretty nondescript, to be honest. I think now I've slotted into the whole idea of "being on a diet" (even though I KNOW that's not SlimmingWorld's "thing") it feels boring, safe and familiar - as opposed to a month ago when the whole thing was new and exciting. Despite being 8 pounds lighter (apparently) I don't feel or look ANY different - and can't stop being paranoid that whenever people say I do, they're just trying to placate or motivate me.

I'm sick of all the "perfect" girls who walk past our bank of desks at work everyday - and even more sick of the lads on my team who ogle them. It sounds stupid, anti-feminist and pathetic, but I want to be ogled. I saw a girl outside work today in a blue and white polka dot pencil skirt - and as she bent over to retrieve something from her car, I found myself staring. Like, literally just STARING as I walked past - and all I could think was "I want that bum." See, big-headed and selfish as it sounds, I want to be one of those women. I want Joel to double-take when I walk in in a nice outfit.... I want to walk past a group of people who not only look twice but envy the way I walk, wonder what I look like out of business-wear, admire my curves...... I suppose that's what every girl wants - the only thing I hate is that I have to work for it. And not just that - I will have to work for a really really REALLY long time before it's going to come true. Sigh.

Told Imran I won't be winning the bet, so he's extended it for a week. Bless him.

Joel and I are moving house in a fortnight - with a bit of luck some of the stress will maybe help me lose weight. Unlikely though, seeing how Joel's usually the stress-head, and I'm the laid back one.

Hmmmmm...... I'm running out of options at the moment, to be honest. I'm totally bored with all the food I'm preparing, and I know Joel is too. Problem is, I'm too skint at the moment to buy loads of new ingredients, or even fruit to Speed things up. My only vegetable intake is the lettuce I have as part of my lunch salad every day - and I always find myself sneaking a pack of (6 Syn) French Fries when I get home from work. Truth is, I'm bored, and until tea I need something to do with my hands. The trouble is I'm far too lazy to scrub the kitchen/bathroom/whatever, Joel doesn't appreciate the thought of any romantic tyrsts when he comes home from work, and I can't start cooking straight away. Maybe I should take up smoking, or embroidering. I can't spend ALL my time on here, doing my SlimmingDiary.

Honeymoon period

LOSS: 1 POUND

Oh. My. God. How on earth did this HAPPEN??! OK, so I know I ask that rhetorically every week, but SERIOUSLY??! I went to a WEDDING and I haven't even GAINED anything?! I thought at the very least I'd have maintained, but it seems I was under-estimating myself....... I mean, hell, it's not much, not at all - but to have even LOST anything this week is a huge achievment! That said, I was VERY well behaved at the wedding, ate all the food that were Free, and only had a small chunk of a chocolate brownie. Feel incredibly chuffed with myself - although it's marred by the fact that Mum barely ate anything all week and still GAINED a pound. Not entirely sure how that happened, but she is VERY annoyed. Oops.

Unfortunately, she then spent a lot of time trying to analyse exactly what I did differently to her. Did ponder it myself to be honest - Louise suggested she hadn't eaten as much but starved herself, which never helps. Mum suggested that maybe the end of my Star Week (and therefore, Water Retention) helped me lose the pound. I kept quiet, and very wisely didn't tell her about the somewhat strenuous exercise marathon that Joel and I participated in last night....... But I BET that's what did it......! Well, they do say sex contributes to weight loss! Or do they? I'm sure I read that somewhere......

Oh well, today was great! Refreshed from last night's good times, I sold 6 policies at work, ate a delicious hand-made Caesar salad from the canteen for lunch, and went to Group this week in scales-appropriate clothing! Less people there today, so Image Therapy went quicker than usual - didn't really get any advice this week, but I suppose I'm getting the hang of it now. As I'm getting back on track this week (no weddings, events or even nights out - how boring do I sound?) I should be back up to my usual rate without the emcumberence of "Star Weeks" and the like...... so I've aimed to have 2.5 pounds off by next week. Seems unlikely by now that I'll win my £10 bet with Imran from work - but still, I'm chuffed to have 8 pounds off in the space of a month. Never saw that one coming (said the blind prostitute.......). I'm just wondering now how long it'll take for the remaining six pounds to come off - feels like forever, but then again, Mum and Mandy from group lost similar sized chunks in a week - so I guess it's not entirely hopeless. Just have to wait and see. And in the meantime, just keep chipping away.

Like I mentioned earlier, I just want it to be over with now. I'm fed up of waiting, and just want to get the first stone out of the way - not because I reckon I'll look any different (I certainly don't seem to at the moment), but because then I'll have reached a goal, a sort of touchstone that says "I've got one out the way, now let's focus on losing the next one". Because I don't reckon I'll truly be thin, or look good, until I'll got at least 3-4 stone off. And that could take a while.

Here comes the wide

Well, it's the morning after the night before - and I'm very pleased to report that the wedding was a great success! True to form, I spent so long getting ready that I completely forgot to eat anything before I left - and as a result, didn't eat at all until 5 oclock. I'd stashed a few Hi Fi bars in my clutch bag as an emergency, but didn't need them in the end - I wasn't even hungry all day! Wonder how that happened......

And it gets better - the meal at the Reception was pretty much all Free food!! Apart from the odd items which I let myself have small portions of, as a treat. The meal - for me - went as follows:

STARTER:

Home baked bread with salted butter

MAIN:

1/2 chicken in tomato sauce, and ham

HEALTHY EXTRA:

Brie

DESSERT:

Strawberries

Small bite of chocolate brownie

1 small fairy cake

So as you can see, delicious, rustic food which I didn't even have to feel guilty about! Which I suppose is the whole concept of SlimmingWorld..... so, good times! Was pretty fun sitting next to Mum and getting excited over what we were allowed to have - we'd tried to be good all week too, so this felt like a great reward - without even having to deprive ourselves and look like ungrateful guests! Did have to drink wine and champagne, but they were put on the table for us...... and what's a wedding without a few toasts?

Here's the Ascot dress:

But the main part of the night that I was particularly thrilled with, was the evening. I'd been slightly nervous, wondering if I was going to buckle under pressure and just get as drunk as I usually would at such an event. Not that I'd be under pressure as such, just that I've never been out or to an event that hasnt resulted in me getting at least a LITTLE drunk. Well, what a surprise I gave myself.

All I had all night were 2 vodka + Diet Cokes - and then D. Coke for the rest of the evening. Cannot TELL you how impressed I am with myself - that sounds big-headed, but for me, going out to a big do like that and NOT drinking is pretty new...... not to mention it saved a load of money, drinking the cheapest item from behind the bar. And I still had an AMAZING time!! Looking at what I drank, I'm amazed - normally, past the 6th cocktail of the night, I can't remember what I drank from then onwards. Yesterday, I could count the drinks I had on one hand! What a difference...... Joel was on lager of course, but we still got up and danced our socks off with everyone else - dancing the calories away! And I didn't even have a hangover this morning! DEFINATELY worth it. What was weird though, was the way I still felt quite tipsy, despite not drinking much (1 and a half glasses of white wine, half a glass of Prosecco and the two vodka and diet cokes). Maybe it was the effects of not drinking for about a month, or not eating all day, who knows? Maybe I was just really really enjoying myself, which gave me a huge buzz...... Either way, it was one hell of a fun night, and I'm fairly sure the amount of dancing helped!

Speaking of which, I've taken to dancing every night in my bedroom, as a weird and alternative form of exercise. I can't really afford classes at the moment, and I hate being in a room with other people, struggling to keep up. So what I do instead is go in the bedroom while Joel's busy, switch the lights off, put my earphones in and dance away (at my own pace) to my favourite tunes. I'm really getting into Pitbull at the moment - his songs are kind of like Dance merged with Latin beats, which make them a lot easier to shake your body to!

Have eaten some Brie and Ritz crackers today, which I'm not entirely proud of - but it's Sunday, and since I only ate one meal yesterday, I feel I should have a little treat. I'm looking forward to Group tomorrow, but I've since decided not to get my hopes up about losing weight. It's still a long shot, but I'm not as worried about it now as I was the other day...... if I've gained or maintained then so be it. I had a great day and a fun weekend, and if I HAVE lost weight, then I'll be pleasantly surprised.

Musings

One day left to go! Sadly, 3 weeks of dieting got to me again today, meaning I bought 2 packets of crisps for lunch and after tea. French Fries and Squares, so no-one can say I went TOTALLY mad - god, even when splashing out I still go for low-fat. I guess the message has been ingrained into my brain now...... FOREVER! Oh well, if it means I hit 25 years of age as a thin woman, then so be it.

Today was pretty nondescript - walked to the Co-Op again for a chicken and bacon wrap..... they're not even that great but it gets me out of the building. Made Mum's famous "Cheesy pasta" recipe I inherited last year for tea - all Free, and one of my favourite meals EVER...... so no complaints there! Posted the recipe on the SlimmingWorld Facebook page, and saved some to eat before the wedding tomorrow, so I won't be hungry when I get there (have got to say, am finding the Facebook page very useful at the moment, am on it every night looking at recipes and other people's inspiring messages!).

Very much looking forward to tomorrow now - have stopped looking at it with trepidation and instead realised it's a fun event to look forward to. I'm fairly sure I can control myself, and Joel has promised to stand me Diet Cokes for most of the evening! Just can't wait to get those sexy dresses on and sashay into the reception!

Wedding nerves!

Well, upon returning home from work, the pie STILL hadn't set. Joel said it had, but it felt WAY too gooey. Tried it - it was runny and weird, and looked like vomit with bananas in. Not feeling too pleased with myself but at least I've learnt for next time. Now I know! (*fights urge to shout "..... and knowing is half the battle!") Oh well, other than that slight hiccup, I was healthy as ever today - and the canteen stocked my favourite boxed salad that only comes into rotation about twice a month, so that made me a happy bunny! Wow, never thought I'd see the day when I got excited about salad! Hmmmm..... I've cracked. I'll never go back now, haha.

Two days to go till the wedding on Saturday - Mum seems to be pretty excited about it. I am too - not just to show off my dresses but also in a weird nervous kinda way, like one would await a test of judgement or similar. I'm very much looking forward to a family friend getting married in a converted Victorian swimming bath, 2 costume changes, and a lovely buffet/night out/party. But, whilst I'm not exactly dreading it - I am feeling a little tingle of "will I crack?" pressure. I mean, we have no idea what the food will be - and the alcohol alone will be enough to colonise my weekly Syns. Maybe I could just eat the smallest imaginable portions of everything and stick to Diet Coke all night? Worth a shot.

Oh well, dresses are ironed, and hair appointment booked. Just got to get through one more day at work and I'm sorted!

On a side note, I've been thinking about how utterly utterly fantastic it would be if I were to still have lost weight when I get weighed on Monday at group. I mean, obviously, thanks to the wedding, I'm expecting to gain weight - or at the very least, maintain. But it's still kind of like a step back for me - I love when each Monday rolls around and knowing that I'm slowly gravitating towards something..... beavering away, bit by bit, towards a goal. Putting weight on this weekend or even maintaining would just be like a sock in the stomach. A sock that says; "Why bother being healthy all week? You're exactly where you left off two weeks ago!" I suppose I'm just so lazy, I can't be bothered repeating a week where I should have lost weight. Actually, if I'm truly honest, I want it to be over NOW. I've seen the size I could become, and I want it here, within my grasp, this instant. Unfortunately, I've still got a long road ahead. But where I'm going, I don't need roads...... (sorry, couldn't resist. I'm a geek)

Baking fail

Had a fun day back at work today - showed Imran my half-stone certificate to prove I'm on the way to earning that tenner..... and before I knew it, word had spread round the team and I was getting high fives in the break room! Everyone said they were dead impressed - felt very happy.

It DEFINATELY helps being back at work and having a routine. At home the temptation to snack relentlessly whenever I want is WAY too great - whereas having timed breaks and lunches makes it SO much easier to work my Healthy Extras around. Usually, my day goes something like this:

10:30 (usually when I start getting hungry) - Apple

11:40 (Break) - Hi Fi bar, and Baby Bel Light

1:00 (Lunch) - Usually healthy wrap from Co-Op, salad from the canteen, or home-made salad (chicken and pasta today)

3:00 - Baby Bel Light

7:00 (ish) - Meal

Most days I find an excuse to walk to the Co-Op round the corner, even if it's just to buy a Diet Coke, magazine or a scratchcard. It gets me out the building, stops me sitting on my backside for 8 straight hours - and I usually stick my Ipod on and power-walk, which makes it slightly more fun!

Had a nice surprise tonight - Joel decided to cook tea instead. I have to say, the man is an ARTIST in the kitchen - tonight he made Feta-stuffed herby chicken breast and light-fried potatos with a side of chopped tomatos..... it was AMAZING!! I still maintain that he's a better cook than me - but was very impressed with him using all Free ingredients..... obviously he listens more than I think he does! Love him to bits.

Decided to impress him right back by making Banoffee Pie, using a recipe I found on the group Facebook page. It was originally supposed to be the 3rd course of last night, which I gave up after just wanting to flop on the sofa after the first two! So it's setting in the fridge as I type - hopefully it will be sorted by the time "The Apprentice" comes on! I've done the unthinkable this week and ditched my glass of wine (6 Syns) for a helping of Banoffee pie (4.5 Syns) - it's so strange and bizarre to think that such a creamy pudding contains less Syns than one little glass of Rose'. Hmmmm...... Let's hope the pudding works anyway, never made it before.......

LATER

It didn't work. Used WAY too much boiling water with the powdered gelatine and now the damned thing is all sloppy. Tried draining it, but nearly lost all the yoghurt down the sink. Grr.... feeling very annoyed now - but at least I've got enough ingredients to make another, if it truly goes balls up.

Menu planning

Today didn't start off too well - Day 2 of "Star weeks" is always a huge pain for me (literally as well as mentally)...... Found myself eating some of the things Joel and I picked up at M+S last night to make myself feel less bad - low fat chocolate sundae, cheesy puffs, etc..... Not proud of it, considering Saturday's approaching..... But I'll just have to be very well behaved all week. Back at work tomorrow, so having some routine should definately help. Just like when I tried to diet during my GCSEs.

Got another encouraging text from Dad, though:

"Well done darling, some slow weeks, some quick - don't matter so long as it's coming off!"

God bless him.

Today picked up though, was off work again, so went for a little shop in the village for some ingredients and ended up making an amazing (and completely FREE) 2-course meal for me and Joel.

STARTER

:

Chilli and Garlic marinated prawns on a bed of smoked salmon and babyleaf salad

MAIN:

Pasta Norma with Feta (substituted aubergines for diced chicken breast)

Overdid the chilli flakes unfortunately, so as of now, both mine and Joel's mouths are ever so slightly on fire. But still, feel very proud of those meals. I am the MASTER!!!

More losses.....

LOSS: 1.5 POUNDS

Today was a very conflicting day - I'm pleased and annoyed in equal measures. Annoyed because it's my time of the month (which means I just want to eat ALL the chocolate) and pleased because I lost the 1.5 pounds I needed to reach half a stone! So I've made it!! Was a bit embarrassing at first - stood on the scales and I'd only lost a pound (that damned pizza!) But then Louise pointed out that jeans weigh a lot - I'd never worn them to the meetings before, so had to very speedily swap with Mum in the kitchen, and got weighed in her floaty skirt. And surprise - I was down 1.5 pounds! Mum then came in and pointed out to Louise that's it's a "Star week" for me (which I later found out was some glorious euphemism for the "Russians" arriving) - apparently they take that into account.

One girl - Mandy has lost 5 POUNDS in this last week, had to find out her secret. Apparently it was Scanbread - so I bought a load afterwards. Oh, and I was awarded my 1/2 stone certiificate! Loved getting an award in front of everyone - feels like I'm at school again! Or I'm just a huge attention seeker.....

To be honest, I'm not sure how I feel. I mean, yeah I'm thrilled that I've dropped half a stone for the wedding like I said - and in only 3 weeks, too! But Mandy was saying how 5 pounds made it easier for her to tie her shoes - I don't feel any different, or any small changes at all. I don't even think I look different. I wonder how long it takes before it becomes actually noticeable? A stone? Two? Hmmm.....

Anyway, Mum won Slimmer of the Week - and gave me the winnings to take home. So tomorrow, I'm going to plan a luxurious (Free) 3 course meal for me and Joel, since I'm off work. Mum and I have vowed to be really good this week, so we can enjoy ourselves at the wedding - but I'm still going to eat something before I go.

Dress shopping!

Today was fun - went shopping with Mum and Auntie Pam for a dress to wear to Rebecca's wedding. As you may remember - I'm determined to lose half a stone for the do, and Mum a stone. Had the most amazing time and found 2 BEAUTIFUL frocks in Evans - the first being a belted, knee-length 50's-style brown dress that looks like I'm off to the Royal Ascot. Was initially planning on just wearing that - until Mum insisted I tried on this stunning red and black African-style maxi-dress for the reception. The trouble is, all maxi dresses I try on tend to make me look 6 months pregnant and give me a huge bum - so I left it on the hook and simply pretended I'd tried it. Mum however, insisted I showed her - so I grudgingly put it on. And what a shock I got. Once I got in front of the dressing room corridor full-length mirror - I was astonished. The dress was AMAZING - scooped me in at the waist, made my hips looks amazing, and even supported my chest. Not sure if it was the dress or the weight loss, but I looked fantastic. Mum was so thrilled that she treated me to the maxi dress - and we all celebrated with a Caesar salad (no dressing) and a glass of Champagne in Selfridges!

Had a huge HUGE slip-up in the evening though - Joel and I ordered a pizza each from Dominoes. Such a huge mistake - and it didn't even taste as nice as I remember. It's strange, I used to love them, but this one tasted..... unusual somehow. Maybe it's because I'm used to healthiness now - who knows?

Public opinion

Two fantastic things happened today:

1) Joel has decided to join me! Not at group or anything, but just being careful what he eats, and asking how many Syns are in certain things, etc... He's being very supportive, and always has a congratulatory hug when I come back from group, weighing less! And he's taken to stroking my tummy (like he always does when we hug) but now he just goes; "Where's it gone? It's disappearing!" Bless him. But he's decided to lose some weight too - and seems to enjoy all the Free teas I make. So good news there!

PS: This is Joel:

 

2) Two colleagues came back to work from Glastonbury today. Halfway through the day, I was wandering back from the photocopier, when I noticed one of them, Swin (who sits opposite) staring at me. When I asked what was wrong, he asked; "Have you lost weight?" YES!!! Felt very chuffed with myself - didn't even think it was noticeable - and surely 5.5 pounds isn't that much? Anyway, he said it was mostly around the "hips and face" - can't see any change at ALL, myself, but then again, I see myself every day. Still, very very pleased!

Alco-frolics

Not much to report today - except I had my Syn-ful little glass of wine with "The Apprentice......" and it tasted SO GOOD. I mean seriously, like some sweet nectar of life. Am wondering slightly if this reaction makes me an alcoholic, but most likely I'm over-reacting as usual. Feels strange though - I'm usually out every weekend on massive benders..... not having alcohol for so long feels mad. In a good way, obviously. I'm stunned at how easy it's been not to drink as much as usual. In fact, given that there always used to be a bottle of wine in the fridge every single week (and usually gone by Thursday), I'm amazed I've not gone Cold Turkey or similar.

Slightly wondering though, what kind of stuff I can now drink next time I'm on a night out. Alcopops are obviously out, as are cocktails (with sugary fruit juice) - and wine too. A glass of Diet Coke and vodka/whiskey/bacardi seems a logical step, but...... on a DANCEFLOOR??! Kind of impractical. Maybe I should just do shots all night..... or stick to hard spirits! Hmmm..... never thought about it before, actually. Not that I've been out at all since I started SlimmingWorld - everyone's skint recently. Got invited out by a colleague for a few in our local the other week - and was actually relieved when he had to cancel. Maybe I can work out some kind of drinking/night out plan? Obviously I can't go on mad binge-tastic benders any more - boring as that sounds. Maybe I could just drink Diet Coke all night and pretend it contains spirits? Night out AND no Syns! And no hangover!! Worth thinking about.

Sweet dreams are made of this

Had an amazing daydream at work today, between calls. I was out in this classy nightclub (Lamar's) in the Northern Quarter with straight shiny hair, no glasses - and I was wearing this beautiful silky red strapless dress (one I'd seen my friend Sian out in) that ended mid-thigh - and a pair of knockout heels. I was thin, my legs went on forever - I looked stunning, and was getting positive attention from everyone (especially the men!). I was confident enough to try all these sexy dance moves I've never done before - and basically, I was an undisputed hottie.

It was the best dream I've ever had - and cheesy as it sounds, it feels like something I could actually achieve now. It'll take time, but it's do-able, I'm sure of it. Told Mum, and she's promised to buy me that exact same dress if I can lose 3 stone for my birthday (October 23rd)!

Yet another loss!

LOSS: 3 POUNDS

I DON'T BELIEVE IT!!! I've lost 3 pounds!! How has this happened??! Given yesterday's cranberry-antics, I thought I was pretty much out of the running. In fact, I was sure of it. I got on the scales, heard Joan say "3 pounds" - and my heart sank. I knew I'd eaten a lot yesterday because I felt so ill and terrible, but had no idea I'd gained THAT much. And then I saw Joan smiling, looked down at my book, and saw the number 16 where a 17 used to be..... I'd LOST 3 pounds!!! Not GAINED it!! I hadn't listened properly, worried as I was at Mum's reaction (she tends to hover when I get weighed), hence the misunderstanding.

So needless to say, I feel brilliantly happy. Mum's losing loads too, and every week she brings some food, ingredients and plenty of support for me. I'm not losing as much as her, nor as quickly - but to be fair, she runs around her shop a lot everyday - whereas my job (selling insurance) is pretty sedentry.

Image therapy this week was nothing different - found out how many Syns are in certain things and agreed to plan more meals (I usually tend to make it up as I go along - which gets very boring and samey)

Got a congratulatory text from Dad after I got home, saying "Well done kiddo, proud of you - now you motor. Jodie Kidd, watch out!!" Made me beam all over my face - although I'd much rather look like Shakira than Jodie Kidd. I don't particularly resemble any celebrities at the moment - but I'd be happy just ending up as a curvy brunette sex-bomb!

Bad news

Oh, great. Out of nowhere, I've got cystitis. I've had it before - and all it takes is the consumption of cranberry juice and 2 days of medicine. All very well and good - except I foolishly thought that cranberry juice was Free. Imagine the horror at work today, when after drinking 2 litres of the stuff - it turned out that I'd had 64 Syns. IN A DAY. Who the hell knew Cranberry juice had so much sugar?! I'd just always assumed fruit juices were fine and healthy..... So now I've thrown off the diet and ruined all my hard work. Brilliant. Feel very angry - even though technically I didn't do anything wrong.

Tiny mistakes.....

Had a slight slip-up today. Joel texted me asking if I wanted to meet at McDonald's on our lunch break (an old tradition) so I said yes, planning to take my pre-made chicken salad with me. But I cracked. Not totally, didn't get a burger, even though I was dying to - I've not had one in ages. I got a chicken and bacon wrap - and kidded myself into thinking it was healthy. I hate slipping up - but sometimes sticking to healthiness so rigidly is incredibly boring. Think I need to shake things up - or plan different things to eat. I don't know. I miss desserts.

I'll be damned if I'm losing my glass of Rose' with "The Apprentice," though. 6 Syns it may be, but that's one weekly pleasure I refuse to give up. On a side note, I want Jim or Tom to win - Jim because he's got that sexy Irish accent and knows how to turn on the charm - or Tom who is adorable, polite, has AMAZING glasses, and looks like David Tennant.....

Yeah.

Slimming at work

I've been taking my green "Food Optimising" book into work every day - so I can fill in my Food Diary, check Syns and read the book on my lunch/break. It never gets boring, the recipe pictures look delicious, and it's kind of like a talisman - something to carry around and remind me of what I'm doing. I'm actually receiving a lot of support at work, to my delight and surprise. Brooksey (who sits opposite me) has had a gastric band fitted recently so he has a lot of food tips and weight-loss anecdotes to share. My manager saw the "Food Optimising" book and told me to "forget that bullsh*t," but Imran who sits next to me (something of a health-obsessed bodybuilder) is completely on my side - and has even bet me a tenner that I can lose a stone by next Payday (21st July), so that's another thing to aim for. Good times!!

First loss

LOSS: 2.5 POUNDS

Can't believe it!! I've already lost weight, and it's only been a WEEK!!! How has this HAPPENED?! Feel SO chuffed - it's not much, but it's still a start - one baby step at a time. My aim is to lose half a stone by our family friend Rebecca's wedding on the 9th of July - it's not much and it feels like a long shot, but I'm still going to try. Having all that healthy food in the fridge definately helped. Even had a fruit salad for breakfast last Friday! I'm doing exactly what I couldn't understand people did in the last entry.... and it was easier than I thought it would be. I've even started texting Mum everytime I've cooked/eaten something I'm proud of. And it clearly worked!

Louise, the head consultant, was back this week - so the meeting was slightly different. This week we did "Image therapy" which is something like an AA meeting - you go round the whole group, Louise announces how much each person has lost/gained and then they talk about what they can do this week to speed things along/stay on track, etc....

I spoke about how surprisingly easy I'd been finding it, and how pleased I am that it's not difficult, like other diets. My advice was simply to fill in the Food Diary every day - and plan meals more. So be it!

Have decided as well NOT to eat tea before I go to the meetings, but just have a yoghurt or something to keep me going. It may be cheating slightly, but..... you know, who DOESN'T brush their teeth before going to the dentist?

New beginnings!

Hey, everyone. Welcome to my Slimming World blog. So, 3 things:

1) My name is Katie, I'm 24 and I live in Manchester
2) I hate my weight
3) This is how I look:

And I aim to change that.

Today was the day I joined SlimmingWorld. To be honest, I was dragged along by my mum, who's been citing the idea for ages. I wasn't too keen on the idea. Loads of women sitting around talking endlessly about their weight, or loads of fabulously skinny women who still smugly turned up at meetings sounded like my idea of Hell. But Mum and I seem to have been on a diet for about 10 years with no results, and I thought it would stop her nagging at me to lose weight if I showed up at a few meetings and pretended to take an interest.

So, I went along to my local rugby club. Mum went last week - and even though she said it wasn't her cup of tea, talking in front of people and applauding all the time, she still insisted on me trying it. It was a bit daunting at first - and the original consultant was away, so I was welcomed by Joan, who gave me a huge pack to look through. Bit scary to be honest, all full of buzzwords and phrases that made me roll my eyes. Spent most of the meeting flicking through it, trying to understand exactly how the whole "Food Optimising" thing worked. The whole thing sounded incredibly corny - the usual dietry cliche's of "Oh look, I used to be heavy but now I eat fresh fruit and handfuls of vegetables every day and I LOVE it!!!" I thought it all looked like total nonsense - no-one who's ever been fat and lived on a steady diet of junk food (like me) could suddenly enjoy eating "rabbit food," as I called it.

But then Joan stuck a DVD on and I was stunned. You see before and after photos in magazines all the time - thinking "Well OBVIOUSLY they're two different people" or "They've had a gastric band fitted - that doesn't count." But these were REAL men and women, and they'd all done SlimmingWorld. My jaw dropped, as beautiful person after beautiful person appeared on camera, following photos of their former enormous selves. I couldn't believe that people were capable of losing so many stones without any surgical help. Next thing I knew, images of myself in "after" poses were flashing through my head - and in them, I looked incredible. With every shocked gasp emmanating from other group members, my resolve strengthened more and more, and I realised that maybe this "Food Optimising" thing was just worth a go.

When we left the meeting, Mum took me straight to Tesco to stock up on healthy "Free" foods for the flat. So as I sit here buzzing, my fridge is stocked with loads of healthy food, the kind of stuff I didn't think I'd be able to eat on a diet, to be honest. Finished up my takeaway prawn curry from last night, and vowed it would be the last fattening thing to cross my lips.

Forgot to mention, I was weighed at the beginning of the session. Nearly had a heart attack - apparently I weigh 17 stone and 1.5lb. I'm only 24 years old, and wondering how the hell it came to this - had no idea I was that overweight. I've certainly never looked in the mirror and seen myself as "obese." I've never been HAPPY with my weight - but instead of giving the usual "fat people" excuses - my reason was the one that no-one ever says..... I'm just too lazy. Losing weight takes more effort that I could be bothered with. I'm fairly happy in my life at the moment, and Joel (my boyfriend) never had any problem with my weight - other than being slightly frustrated with me when I lagged on walks. Whilst I'd get annoyed with finding clothes-shopping difficult, I've still always been a chirpy person, and found no real reason to change. But I wasn't expecting that..... 17 stone. Felt utterly horrified when Joan wrote it in my book. Didn't feel any better when Mum told me she'd lost half a stone in one week. She was always a lot more motivated than me - especially when it came to walking and such. And the whole "I'm 24 years older than you, you should be finding this easier than me!" spiel never helped. Still, as Joan pointed out at the weighing - "You will never see this weight again." And that's what I'm going to keep telling myself.